TO: All partners, Whisker Wealth Management FROM: Sir Reginald Fluffington, Chairman RE: Conduct during board meetings
Colleagues,
It has been brought to my attention that board meetings are not as lively as they once were. I have reviewed the minutes of the last nine meetings. The minutes say, in each case: ‘The meeting began. Everyone fell asleep.’ I regard this as a trend.
The problem
A board meeting is intended to be a forum for debate. It is not intended to be a restful place. Yet the average meeting now lasts four hours, three hours fifty of which are spent in sleep, and the remaining ten minutes in stretching. The meeting room has become something between a lounge and a chapel.
Contributing factors
I have identified several reasons for the decline:
- The heated chairs, which I approved personally and now regret
- The agenda, which contains too many items beginning with Review
- The warm light, which streams through the window at precisely the wrong time
- The biscuits, which I have since been told were treats
- The chairman, who once led by example
Proposed solutions
Effective Monday, the following changes will take effect:
- Meetings will be held standing up
- The heated chairs will be returned to the shop
- Items will be limited to three, and none may begin with Review
- Penny will be given an air horn, to be used at her discretion
A note on discipline
I understand that sleep is a core value of the firm. It is, after all, written on our logo. Nothing in this memo is intended to question that. I ask only that the board remain awake long enough to approve the minutes, which can then be written, and then slept through.
Closing
I will be holding a short meeting on Friday to discuss these proposals. It will begin at ten. If I am not present, please begin without me. If I am present and asleep, please begin without me and take notes.
Regards,
Sir R. Fluffington
PS: This memo was dictated and not read back. If it ends abruptly, I have fallen asleep.
Leave a Reply