Our Napping Based Retirement Plan is the firm’s most popular product. It is also our only product that a client can fully understand while half asleep. We answer the common questions below, in the interest of transparency and sunshine.
What is the plan?
You nap. The firm watches. Over a long period of time, you achieve a state of retirement, which is similar to your present state but with a better cushion. The plan requires no paperwork, though we ask that you sign the cushion with a paw.
When can I retire?
You may retire whenever you like. The plan places no age limit on resting. Our youngest client is a kitten of nine weeks, who retired shortly after birth and has not reconsidered. Our oldest is a cat named Walnut, who retired in a previous decade and has made no move since.
How much do I need to save?
The firm recommends a minimum of:
- One warm sunny patch
- One reliable bowl
- One cushion of at least medium softness
- One window with a good view of absolutely nothing
Additional savings are welcome but optional. A lavish retirement may include a second cushion.
What are the fees?
The annual fee is one head rub. This is charged on the first of each month, and again on days when the partners feel it. We have been told that these terms are unusual. We have been told this by a lawyer, who is not a cat, and whom we have asked to stop coming to the office.
What happens if the market crashes?
The market does not crash in our office. The market is a table, and it is not high enough for any real damage. If something does fall off the table, it is almost always a pen, pushed by Penny.
What if I change my mind?
Clients may withdraw from the plan at any time, by waking up. We do not recommend this. Many have tried it. Most have returned within the hour, complaining of a draught.
Is this real?
No. Whisker Wealth Management is a parody. We offer no real products, no real advice and no real returns. We do offer a nice cushion, but the cushion is not for sale. Penny sits on it.
For your actual retirement, please speak to a real adviser, preferably one with a licence and a chair.
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